The Life and Times of the Wicked Bec of the South

I only have one thing to say:



Mrs Rebecca McMillan!!!




That is all ;)

I'm sitting outside my parents house at the moment, under the pergola. The table I'm sitting at, besides my laptop, has a pair of speakers, an amplifier, a microphone and a stack of cables. I'm listening to music in the way it should be listened to - outside on a hot day, in the shade, with a cold drink in one hand and my other on the controls.

So, as I'm not a music buff by any means, what am I doing? I'm screening music. We have a playlist of about 120 songs (7.9 hours) for the wedding which needs to be checked for quality, appropiateness, as well as putting it into sections - before the ceremony, whilst people mingle and eat, and the dancing music. So I'm sitting in front of the speakers listening to whatever comes up next (shuffle is my friend) and purging the list. I guess this is why people pay DJ's - it would have been a lot less effort to pay someone to do all of this as well as convert all the music from CDs to MP3s, but it's only now when I'm relaxing outside that I don't regret being cheap.

Oh, how cheap I am!

Advice for myself and anyone who cares to read this - getting married at home seems like an easier option, but the amount of money saved is used in the amount of work involved. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent sorting small issues out, like glasses, or softdrink, or canapes, or music, or flowers... or anything! It's all good, and I know it'll be fantastic on the day, but there's a lot still to go and 8 weeks to do it all in.

I really hope it's not windy like it is now on the day. It's fine now because it's hot but in a couple of months it won't be hot anymore, so the wind will be chilly. But there's no point in worrying!

Well, that didn't work. After being shaky all day from no food, and then collapsing when I got home, I managed to polish off a whole large pizza by myself. I'm guessing that this is not the aim of the diet. However, after speaking to people and doing more research, it became clear that the 'no food' diet would be fine if I wasn't going to move at all during the day, and I actually work a fairly strenuous job.

So I gave up. It did take me a day to start eating (healthily, mind) lunch and dinner, and thus I lost 3kg in 7 days. Pretty scary, if you ask me.

During this 'healthy crash dieting' phase, a couple of friends mentioned Weight Watchers, and after a big talk with my better half I decided to join, and he's doing it with me. Sort of. Well, I'm paying for it, and he's helping me cook, and not bringing crap food into the house. Whoo!

The daily point allocation I have is astounding (30, for those who would know what that means), and S. is on 26, which makes it a little difficult. I do realise that I should eat more because; a) I'm heavier, b) I am on my feet all day but mostly walking and he's in a desk job, and c) I need more carbs to maintain my muscle structure (this is because I'm heavier, strangely). But that doesn't make it any easier, as we generally eat the same thing each day. He wants to exercise to get more points (yay!!), but any exercise I've done with him means I should eat more, and that's a bad thing. I'm full all the time... strange, isn't it, that less than 2 weeks ago I was starving. Go figure.

Right now the plan of attack is for me to store up my extra points (and with the exception of the first day and Valentines Day there's been extra points - and I didn't go over 30) and use them at some other point, but it's still a bit of a push to eat more.

Heheheh, what am I complaining about? I get to eat a lot of food, but it would be a lot less if I ate crap, so it's my own choice.

In other news, I had a job interview today! I may have sucked, I may not get it, but I'm one of three people interviewed and thus I feel more confident!

Today is my last day of eating like a normal person; ie: three meals a day. Due to my inability to shake anymore weight (although it being summer I'm not going to the gym lately) I've been trying to cut back my food intake, only to have Stephen offer me a variety of goodies on a regular basis. So, from tomorrow morning, I'm going to try this program called 'Optislim' - which is a meal replacement for every meal of the day. A shake thing. You also need to eat 500g of vegies a day, but that's all.

I'm going to try this for at least 2 weeks (that being the number of shake things I bought today) and monitor my weight and health carefully. This is the first time I've done anything like this, but given that I weight so very very much I do really need to do something or my ankles are going to get crushed. I know I'm a size 18-20, but I weigh as much as someone who's size 26, so I really need to look at it.

I'll keep this updated with how I'm going, since I'm sure I'm going to be hungry and regretting it in a few days... but I'm going to stick it out for a little while ^_^

So I've decided that I need to make a set of resolutions this year, and make sure that I stick to them! Rather than make them mentally whilst telling everyone that I don't care for them - this is due to years of failed attempts - I've decided to post them on here and make myself accountable, in the hope that it'll work. So here goes!

1. De-stress a little.
This sounds a little crazy given the amount of stress I shouldn't be under right now, but for some reason I'm still feeling it. What I'd ultimately like to do is actually enjoy my wedding day but I'll not put even more stress on myself for the day ;) The aim of this is to be happy at Christmas time and not a bundle of nerves... and I need to stop being short with those I care about.

2. Lose another dress size.
Easy one to describe, not so easy to do. I did lose 3 this year, but to get to my goal of 18 (that makes me realise how fat I actually was this time last year) I have to get that last goal - which means going to the gym. Ew.

3. Maintain the length of my hair throughout the year.
After seeing a photo of myself in December last year with short hair (just below my ears) it was a bit of a shock how round my face looked. Once again though, the weight-loss (well, size loss....) did help that but I'm going to stick it out. As tempting as it is to cut it all off the day after the wedding, I think I'll try and keep it this length but with a decent style.

4. Do what I say I'm going to do at least 70% of the time.
So no more procrastinating past the due date, no more offering to do something and then hoping that they say no, no more lumping things onto other people. Of course, this can't raise my stress levels (see note 1) which is why 70% seems fair.

You know, I think that's about it. Whilst I'm sure there will be other things I need to keep my eye on, for the most part these will allow me to deal with others more easily, increase my self-esteem, and hopefully give me a better quality of life which will allow me to help others. That or I'm being selfish *laughs*

Happy New Year, everyone!

I'm guessing posting on a Friday is probably easier, since this is the second one in a row. Hmm.

We had the work Christmas dinner tonight, which was just a few doors up from work (great for parking!) and was surprisingly good. Choi's in Hawthorn. Anyway, the only issue I had with the food was the price of it - whilst it wasn't overly expensive (between $20-$35 for a main... and by the big price I mean seafood) but they had a minimum charge of $30 a head. We only get allocated $25 by Post and with Christmas less than 2 weeks away, a wedding and a honeymoon next year, I decided to keep my spend down to that limit. I succeeded by the way, and it was yum. But others weren't watching the dollars, getting several courses (the guy next to me had two entrees, a main, and two desserts) and so when the bill came and my boss paid for it all I felt more than a little put out. But psh, it's Friday!

The other person I was sitting next to, a part-time counter staff member who I generally don't get the pleasure of working with (my job involves mail and not a lot else in the afternoons) who I had an enjoyable conversation with, laughing and joking around and generally having fun. The conversation slipped into children (as it inevitably does when one is getting married soon) and I found out that she has a 15-year-old son... and I could have sworn she was maybe 32 at the outside! Turns out she's 45... BLOODY HELL! Shows what happens when you laugh a lot I guess... so maybe I'll look like I'm about 26 forever! :)

Stephen's out at his own Christmas party at the moment actually, although that's not a surprise - I organised our party and I did it deliberatly on the same night - but he can handle seeing his work colleagues for longer as their lives aren't quite so intertwined as ours are. Customer service seems to breed involved and complicated relationships, which is a little odd.

And in other news, we went to a market that was recommended by a friend (if I knew how to link someone on here I'd do it!) which was a serious eye-opener. As most Aussies do, I've been to more than my fair share of markets, and whilst I normally find a stall or two who hold my attention for a little while, this market held an abundance of groovy stuff! I managed to get some pressies for my mum before Stephen spent the rest of our money... on me! ^_^

I guess that's the summary of this week! :)

It's as I'm sitting in my customary position on the couch (on the left hand side, which oddly enough seems to be 'my side' on most things, such as the bed) with Stephen watching Arrested Development on his computer with his headphones on that I feel compelled to write in here again. With each passing week I promise myself that I will post on here, generally to no avail, and thus I figured that I'd use this quiet time.

So, its Friday night and I'm at home, bored. Sure, Facebook has its moments, particularly the Mousehunt application, but even that's failing to interest me. With a stack of things a mile high to do for the wedding - which is now just over five months away - I should be getting stuck into the flowers, the catering, the accommodation, the budget, the invites, the maps... yet here I am, mulling over a casual game that bored me within 15 minutes (new record) and the end of the year.

At the beginning of the year I set out a few goals for myself, and whilst I hesitate to use the term 'new years resolutions' that's pretty much what they are. And, you know, for the most part I think I've fulfilled those. I set out to lose a bit of weight; I've lost 3 dress sizes. I wanted to try and get a permanent job; whilst that hasn't happened, I also haven't been moved from the office I'm in all year. And a couple of other wonderful things happened, mainly Stephen popping the question in a most adorable way which speaks volumes about him - waking me up in the morning with a cuddle and a question.

It's at times like these that I feel very lucky, even when I'm bored. So the customers at work are driving me crazy, and money is tighter than ever (getting married and then spending more on a honeymoon will do that!), and so what if my weight loss has plateaued a little... so what? I'm still the same person I was a few years ago, just a shit load happier.

Hooray!

Now, let's end this wave of self-congratulation with a bit of a downer - I can only take 15kg of luggage to Japan, and whilst it might be easy enough to do that on the way there I'm realistic about the case on the way back and am considering getting myself several stowable bags. My luggage (courtesy of Santa this year ;)) is a backpack with wheels (best invention ever) and a detachable daypack (furthering the awesomeness) so I think I could probably fit 20kg in those two and carry stuff with me on the way back... Or should I just save my money?

Hell no!

Okay okay, this is a very random blog post, but what do you expect? I think I'll quit while I'm ahead... :P

I wonder when I got so old.

It seems, for the recent past, that everything and everyone I come into contact with is getting me down a little. Even things that are so incredibly exciting - like going to Japan - come with drawbacks, and rather than looking past the financial issues and slight jealousy regarding so many people who are going before we are, I tend to focus on these. Of course, it doesn't really help that we've been going to Japanese classes with a number of people, some of whom are going for their honeymoon as well. I'm happy for everyone, but it was a special thing for us and now it doesn't seem to be quite so special.

So, once again, I find myself in a melancholic mood, with my other half watching something that is supposed to be funny on TV and I'm staring at it fairly straight faced. And so, once again, I wonder when I got so old.

I wonder if it's work, and that I don't seem to be going anywhere and nothing seems to be changing, but I always knew that it was like this. Maybe it's that there's so much organisation happening as far as the wedding is concerned, even though it's months away, and every decision we make ends up creating two. Maybe it's that I feel like life is going no where... which is stupid, because it's flying along at a high speed!

At least Stephen is accepting of my moods, which I have no doubt are dragging him down a little, despite my attempts to keep it all from his shoulders. I know I'm being selfish, unreasonable and downright stupid, but it doesn't stop me feeling down about things... bah!

When did I get so bloody old?!

Just a quick update since I'm pretty sure I was avoiding LJ due to my inexplicable need to rant. So here I go.

Engagement Update: Most of the invites are out, we've started buying food and utensils, and everything is going to plan.

Wedding Update: Most things are sorted as much as they can be until the end of the year, so that's a plus. Besides, I need all the money for the next one...

Honeymoon Update: JAPAN!!!!

=D

Before I go too far, I do have to apologise to those who replied to my last couple of posts - it's not that I've ignored them (they've both helped me in different ways) it's just that over the past few weeks... or months... I haven't felt much like going into the actual post section. So thank you both, and I promise that I will get back to you soon :)

But here I am!

Righty-o. Despite Stephen's constant mood of 'I just want to go to Vegas' (trust me, ask him and he'll tell anyone), he proposed to me in a very sweet way last weekend by waking me up with a cuddle. No 'on one knee' business, no overly romantic gesture, just the man I adore being himself and loving me in return. And what else could I ever ask for? It was pretty funny that he had to ask me twice, although with the risk that a family member might actually read this I'll save that for after the wedding *laughs*

Of course, I now realise why Stephen has always wanted a Vegas wedding - he's not a 'planner' per-se, he's more of a 'go with the flow' kinda guy. Which is fine, and since I'm a natural organiser I am happy to find out all the information, bring it to him, and we can make the decisions together. Sounded perfect until I realised how much work goes into one of these things (I knew, but I didn't know if you know what I mean), and with my father telling me off on one end, my fiancee being very relaxed on the other, I do feel a little like I'm going to be the bad guy.

Whoo hoo! And I mean that as a serious whoo hoo, because I'll be the bad guy of our wedding and I never thought that was going to happen!

So the three major decisions this week are, in this order: Stephen's outfit, the date, and my dress. Sounds like an odd combo, I'm sure, but with Stephen's little suggestion that we have a Scottish wedding (and me running with that idea) getting him a kilt in his clan colours is a major priority, and this week I've done as much as I can to get the info needed. I think we've kinda settled on a date (third weekend of May next year) and I'm pretty sure what sort of dress I want, so I think we're all happy. Mostly. Stressed but happy :)

This does mean, however, that I haven't had much time for anything else besides work, and I had to decide which is more important - the gym or Japanese. I hate to say it but right now the Japanese is kinda in the background (helped a little by a friendly reply to a post) and I'm going to the gym in the mornings before work. But on that front, whilst I've only lost 5kgs in 6 weeks (bloody good!) I've also lost 36cm from my arms. Insane!

Well, I must end this before I get too stressed because my Dad's just logged onto MSN, so, until next time!

Yes, all with capitals. That's how major they are.

Okay, let's start with the more predictable one: I've begun to learn Japanese. For some this wouldn't be a very big surprise, since I do watch a lot of anime, but for others the fact that I've chosen to learn Japanese over, say, Italian is a little strange. For years I've been expressing an interest in learning another language, primarily since we were skipped such niceties in high school, yet the language I've been talking about for the entire time is not what I'm learning... It's Japanese... and once you realise why you'll call yourself a baka ^_^

I've decided where I would like to go with my life in the longer term... well, I think I have anyway *laughs*. I've had a great interest in anime for a long time now and what I would love to do is purchasing for the company Madman and in order to do that I think that learning Japanese would come in mighty handy. That and I already have a fairly decent selection of words stored in my head since I detest dubbed anime.

Second major thing that's happened is that I'm losing weight. Those who know me would know that I've never been a light person (very, very far from it) and sometime in the last month I decided that enough was enough, and so I set myself a goal of losing 45kgs in 13 months. Everyone thinks it's realistic, and since I've already lost 5kg and it's only been 3 weeks I can only hope. I'm not dieting, per se, but I have cut a lot of crap out and I've cut down on food in general considerably. I've also join Curves, which is fantastic, and I would highly recommend to any woman out there. Seriously, it's only been a few days and I'm loving every second of it.

So that's it. I'm looking after my body as well as my mind, which is a nice change and a huge boost to myself, and with the other half being supportive (he's eating like me now!) it can only get better.

...

Baka means idiot *laughs*

I'm so over people adding me as a friend on Facebook unless they actually know me. Okay, I understand that it's a little networking, but unless I know you in real life [I'm not enough of a nerd to use the abbreviated term] don't even bother.

On the other hand it's nice when people find me that I haven't spoken to in years, and that's always a plus. So I can't knock it.

Back from Qld by the way, very glad to be back - weather was fairly bad, I whacked my head on some concrete, and I missed our huge bed - but it was lovely to get away. Pity I have to go back to work next week...

In the past couple of weeks I've been getting creative, although I'm not entirely sure why. I've got two cross stitches on the go at once (I know that doesn't seem like a lot but my motivation is normally low) - one for my sister and one for our house - as well as a latch hook for my partner. He knows it's for him now but when I was looking around on eBay for one he didn't know that it was going to be a present ^_^

Okay, the cross stitches are going very slowly, which is what I find to be the problem with them. Both are adorable (the one for home is a few kookaburras sitting on a branch!) but I find that I can spend an hour stitching away without making much of a dint. Which is why I went for a latch hook as my latest project, something that yields instant results... and boy, has it! A couple of hours and I'm more than 1/4 of the way through a 28 inch circle!

Can you tell I'm happy with myself?

My other half, of course, is incredibly happy with what I'm doing. Mainly because he supports me, of course, but also because now he can have the TV more often! *laughs* As soon as I'm done with one of the projects I'll put a photo up, although I have promised myself that I won't start a new one until one is completed... let's see how I go!

In other news, I've got three more days until we're on holidays for 2 weeks, and I can barely wait. Work's driving me up the wall, as it usually does in the lead up to a holiday, and the idea of getting away from the rat race for a week is magical. The only problem is that one of my work mates is leaving tomorrow and so when I come back he won't be there... But I'm getting nostalgic before it's even happened! Silly me!

Oh, and one last note since I hope that someone reads this - heheheh - but there's a place next door to my work that's looking for people to sell their crafty stuff! How awesome is that! See, a good reason to read my blog ;)

The past couple of weeks have been a blast from the past, in more ways than one. Right now the only one that concerns me is that I've been incredibly tired for way too long, and after an exhausting day yesterday I had trouble waking myself up this morning. My partner, friends and family have all pushed me to get it looked at (we're talking weeks here) so, today, I finally did.

I'd been apprehensive about visiting the doctor for something as trivial as 'being tired', but considering I have sleep aponea and have had previous cases of depression, I don't see why I should feel any better about it. With the exception of one doctor (out of a good couple of dozen) all of them have looked at me, looked at my weight, and suggested I try and sleep better. Only the one had actually checked what was wrong with me, and whilst she was helpful in the short term, in the long run I seem to be back in the same position I was before. Leaning against a wall trying not to fall asleep.

To say that I was pleasantly surprised today is a bit of an understatement. My normal doctor is one who normally takes what I have to say, works out what's wrong with me, and will only ever give me one day off work unless I ask specifically for more. Today, however, when he asked if I needed a certificate and I answered positively, his response was 'From when to when?'. Shocked, yes. When I said today and tomorrow - and the only reason for tomorrow is due to all the tests I need to get done - he actually offered me the rest of the week! And it's only Tuesday!

Makes me wonder what he thinks is wrong with me, because I don't think he has the faintest - I've been put down for no less than ten different types of blood test tomorrow, and hopefully I'll get an answer early next week.

So now, to call work...

I swear, I just heard that line on TV. And not on one of those horrible channels like Fox8, on the History Channel! I know, I'm shocked too!

Three stars down in PM:TTYD, and I now own the other sequel (Super Paper Mario in case you missed it) which apparently doesn't make you collect 7 stars! It's Pure Hearts all the way! Not allowed to play it until I get through the second game though, since I promised. Ah well.

Having spent 30 hours collecting 7 stars on Paper Mario, and now having spent 10 hours collecting 2 of 7 stars in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, I do have to wonder what premise they have for collecting 7 stars in Super Paper Mario.

Makes me want to buy it just so I can find out.

Alrighty... it's been ages since I posted here properly (even though I look at it every couple of days) but that's because I've been flat out. So here goes, all of my news.

Firstly, the passing of family members. Within a week and a half my grandfather and my partners sister moved on, and before anyone gets all nit-picky about the order that's just how it happened. That's all. Both were sudden, both were shocking, and both are sorely missed.

Moving on. I mentioned it because it's important for me to remember later on down the track, not because I want to make everyone else sad.

Secondly, I've started patchworking again, although at this stage it's just 'starting' and not 'getting anything done'. I was planning on making a table-runner for our coffee table for Christmas but it seems pointless when the table will be out of here in a few days and work is taking all of my energy. So, right now, it's started but not going anywhere, which is still a lot more than I would have expected.

Work's killing me, I swear. Every year I find myself collapsing on the bed as soon as I get home, but this year it's even worse... I do know why but I'd rather not drag myself down on this glorious Sunday with all of that info.

Apart from that, it's only small-ish things that have happened lately. Our unpacking is actually moving again because we need to clean out the spare room since we bought a new bed, the fact that I've been in one work place for almost 6 months now is shocking, and my brother and his partner are leaving for a year at the end of the month. All major, but all not affecting my life all that much, really.

So I lied, so sue me :P

It's scary what life throws at you. That's my sister, for the record.

Too much has happened of late. I'll just say this: 50% chance of a healthy child, 50% chance of there being complications.

Ah well, at least Cheryl made our days happy while she was around. Miss you Cheryl...

A lot has happened in the short weeks since we ‘lost’ the internet.

For starters, after much complaining and general mooching around [mainly because we both dreaded the idea of it - myself because it was so recent and my partner because it had been so long] we finally made our move official. On the Saturday we had a number of people helping us out - my brother and his partner, our housemate and her partner, and one of Stephen’s friends - by basically getting us off our butts. They helped us pack up most of our remaining goods and taking our furniture downstairs so that we wouldn’t have to pay the removalists quite so much. Most of them left as soon as the work was done, although our housemate and her partner stayed there longer than I did - I’d come over to our new house to get some laundry done [we actually had a machine!] and to be here when the removalists arrived.

The fun really started when I got here, at least for me.

Earlier in the week, my father had brought us a washing machine and dryer that they no longer used to help set us up in our new house. After much grunting [the washing machine weighed about 100 kilos and we live on the first floor] we got it all set up, tested it, and all was well and good. Until the Saturday that we moved. I’d taken over the towels that we had used to sop up the water from the fridge and freezer defrosting, primarily because half of them were our housemates, and threw them in to wash them and have them ready to take back. About 30 seconds into the wash cycle - so about 40 seconds after I turned the machine on since it’s a front-loader - it stopped moving around. Water was still pumping in, but no agitation. And, as anyone who has used a front-loader knows, once the machine is switched on the door locks shut. So after a quick couple of calls to my parents I managed to get it open, emptied almost everything out, tried again... nothing. So I completely emptied it, tried it again, and... you guessed it, nothing. I doubt that I have ever been as frustrated with a piece of machinery as I was then, particularly since it took a good 10 minutes to get the door to open once I’d started the thing. Annoyed, I hand-washed the towels I’d attempted to wash in the machine, and hung them out to dry. And then I waited.

It was close to 2 hours after I’d gotten to our new house that the removalists showed up, along with my partner, and then we spent about an hour directing and bringing small stuff up. Apparently one of the two people we’d hired to move our stuff was really tired, and apparently quite surly, so they had asked another pair of guys to help move our stuff. So we got three for the price of two! Bargain. Once all of our furniture had been placed into the appropriate rooms they left us in peace, and then began the work of unpacking.

As soon as I get a chance, I’ll take a photo of our spare room and show you exactly how much of this ‘unpacking’ we’ve done. It looks worse than it is, I promise. We’ve actually done a lot, we just have a ton of crap.

The next day my parents made the trip to see our new place [although my Dad had already seen it, my Mum was curious, and rightly so] and to take a look at the washing machine. And guess what? It was dead. Whilst they were here we went up to a couple of shops that specialize in white-goods [if you know them, we went to Harvey Norman and Clive Peeters] and my folks ended up loaning us the money to buy a shiny new washing machine, only slightly scratched, and it is absolutely beautiful. It has buttons instead of twiddly-knobs! It’s quite until it beeps to tell us it’s finished! And, best of all, it’s in our house!! Of course, the next day the dryer died... *sigh* I don’t think I should touch anything else.

So that was our first weekend away from the ‘net. Physically exhausted because we’d now essentially lost two weekends in a row, we were on a high because we had our own place and it’s adorable. Of course, too much of a good thing...

On Tuesday of the next week, I had a couple of missed calls from my Dad, and when I finally managed to get hold of my Mum she told me that my Nan had a mild heart attack and was in hospital, which is why my Dad hadn’t been answering his phone - he was with her. My Pop was also in the same hospital [he’d had surgery for a problem he’s been having] and so she wasn’t alone, but as you can imagine I - and most of my siblings - had made plans to visit her the next day after work. I was a little shell-shocked - after all, my Nan has always been in my life, even though her health has been deteriorating of late - but I went home knowing that Stephen would come with me to see her. Of course, at that point I wasn’t aware that his father had called an ambulance for himself since he couldn’t breathe... Knowing that my Nan and his Dad were on opposite sides of town [Knox and Sunshine] we’d made plans to see them separately, but to pass on the best wishes of the other. However, my wonderful manager allowed me to go home early, so that I could see Nan and then still make it in time to see Stephen’s dad.

As you can probably imagine, mortality was hitting a little hard on me at that point - I’ve always been way too sensitive to these sorts of things - but I struggled though the day without getting much more information. However, sometime around lunch, I did find out that Stephen’s dad had been released from hospital, and to this day I’m still not sure what was wrong with him. So I left work a little later than planned but still early, trundling off to see my Nan and Pop.

Pop was looking a lot healthier than when I’d seen him last, but he’d been in and out of hospital for the last three weeks or so, so it did make sense that he was improving. Nan, however, looked frail and tiny to me, and she didn’t seem to be able to concentrate on anything anyone was saying. There was a short period when it was just me and her in her room, during which time she seemed almost hysterical as she told me about what had happened [she’d tried to call her dog inside even though it was already in - someone else had done that] but she did seem to understand what I was saying... I guess it’s just hard for both of them to hear well these days.

After spending a bit of time there I left my grandparents with my siblings and went home, with much food for thought. Since then Nan has had a stint inserted and my Pop still isn’t getting much better - it’s hard for them both. Stephen’s dad is his normal self.

So after that little shock to the system all I’d wanted was a nice, relaxing weekend, but I guess that wasn’t meant to be...

On the Saturday we hired a wet-vacuum from the supermarket to clean the carpets in our old house. We’d also needed to do a couple of trips to the bin at my work, since we had a lot of crap to get rid of and that bin is never full. The day itself wasn’t too bad, just physically demanding - carting stuff up and down stairs is now a part of my life - but both Stephen and I needed a rest from the move, and this was the end of it. Once we took the machine back we both almost collapsed from the exertion of the last few weeks, glad that it was over.

The following day - Father’s Day - we invited Stephen’s dad and his sister over for lunch - Stephen’s mum was working and my own father had ‘seen more than enough of me in the last couple of weeks’. We went to Ikea in the morning to buy some storage stuff, bought food for a BBQ, and we had a lovely lunch. After that, we decided to go mobile phone shopping - Stephen’s phone is dead and we were considering getting his sister a phone to call us from.

Now, I don’t think I’ve mentioned Stephen’s sister before. Cheryl is the second of two children, and the only way I can think of describing her is as ‘cheerfully dependant’. She was born with a disability known as Trisomy4P, which has similar characteristics to Down Syndrome, yet she is one of the happiest people I know. She hasn’t aged mentally beyond about 8 years, so she is still like a child in a lot of respects - just a big one. I love her to bits, but I have to confess that I don’t know how her parents coped bringing up a child like her.

Anyway, Stephen and I had been discussing having children - not anytime soon! - so I thought I’d ask his parents if they could recommend someone we could see for gene testing, in order to know the risks involved in having children with a history. When I brought it up with his dad on Father’s Day he was more than accommodating, telling me a little more about the deficiency than I had previously known, as well as telling me what chances Stephen had been given of having ‘normal’ children - 50% chance of normality, 25% chance of having a child like Cheryl, 25% chance of something much worse - and explaining what had happened with the family history. As we wandered around the shops, drinking our thickshakes, I pondered over what he had told me with a relatively calm mind. However, it didn’t stay that way for long.

When we got home, I tried hard to talk to Stephen about how I was feeling. You see, until recently I hadn’t given much thought to having children, not believing that I had matured enough to look after a baby. It has been fairly recently, maybe since the start of the year, that I’ve started to feel closer to that responsibility, that I can look at another person as more important than myself, and do so until I die. It doesn’t scare me anymore; in fact, I quite look forward to it. So it was hard to explain to Stephen that I wasn’t sure how to cope with this new development, simply because it had only been recently that I had accepted the idea of becoming a mother. But, as invariably happens, the words just couldn’t come out and I ended up in tears.

Stephen, knowing that I was disappointed but knowing there was nothing he could do, just hugged me and tried to console me, but at that time I think I really needed to be by myself. I was almost glad when he went to have a rest - it gave me time to put things into perspective, and also to cook dinner. As we sat around the table we spoke about the procedures that we’ll need t go through, and I think - I hope - that we both know how hard this is going to be.

Our relationship strengthened by this adversity, we went back to work the next day and started to make enquiries - I made an appointment with my GP - yet things were looking up a little.

Stephen’s mum contacted him that day, apparently fuming about what his dad had told me the day before, knowing that I’d be upset by it. She told Stephen that she had spoken to a colleague of hers regarding it a couple of times, and she had grabbed us a business card so that we can make an appointment to see her. Which is exactly what I’d asked of Stephen’s dad on Sunday, so it all worked out well.

So, by this time, I’m sure that everyone can imagine how much both of us are looking forward to a weekend.